The sunset of a dream

20170117_181732.jpgOne silent night in my small room on Calle de los Artilleros number 6
The one after so many without sleep, without the common smell of incense
The last one…

I perfectly remember it
And I can go there, at my table, in that sunny morning, whenever I feel I need it
I can remember almost every step
The bitter coffee
The kiss on the forehead and the goodbye
The little fragrance of silence
And then the time
5 o’clock
The line 9, the tears, the fears
The bus driver saying no and moving on
Anxiety
Cold tears falling in abundance
And many people staring at me
A little child dying from the inside….

A gray mind

“A drunk mind speaks a sober heart”
Jean-Jaques Rousseau

I have never knew how to appreciate the classic divine liquor
But today I found it amazingly sweet and releasing

A little wine reminded me what I’ve been trying to ignore
I cannot be nor I can feel what is not rooted in my soul
Having fun and  enjoying one’s company have got a different meaning
Cozy atmosphere, soft music, warm conversation

Too many people, loud minds, strong voices,
Three days of chaos I cannot endure
Not when I have to be sincere…
A distinct kind of loneliness

When did I grow so old?

Recovery

Today I have the certainty of the happiness existing in you, Life
No matter where
No matter how

I tried hard “to live” in the now
With every breath and every cell
But in reality I just closed my eyes
And created a bubble where to feel safe

But no!
I’m not safe, nor am I happy
I feel I’ve lost something important,
Something crucial for my life
Something I was supposed to embrace and protect

A part of me…